Competition anxiety is normal — your athlete isn't broken. Here's how to be the steady presence that helps them perform at their best.
Most Important Thing
Be a calm observer. Your nervous energy is the thing they feel most. Before the game, match, or performance, check in with yourself first.
Before Competition
- Ask open-ended questions: "What are you most excited about today?" — not "Are you nervous?"
- Keep pre-game conversations short and light. Your athlete's mind is already getting ready.
- Don't re-explain strategy or remind them of mistakes from last time. That's the coach's job.
- If your athlete asks for advice, offer one simple thing: "Trust your preparation."
Watch Out For
Asking questions that put the outcome on their shoulders: "Are you going to kill it today?" — this sounds supportive but adds pressure.
During Competition
- Cheer normally — coaches and athletes both say the biggest need is normal, positive encouragement.
- Avoid coaching from the sideline. If you must say something, "You've got this" or "Keep going" is enough.
- Stay seated. Pacing draws attention and adds to the pressure your athlete feels.
- Watch your body language. A tense parent in the stands is visible from the field.
What to Avoid
- Directing attention to specific plays or players mid-competition
- Cheering differently based on score — they notice this immediately
- Discussing the competition with other parents in earshot of your athlete
After Competition
- Lead with what you noticed that was strong. Be specific: "That second quarter was really focused" — not just "Good game."
- Don't ask "What happened?!" immediately after. Give them space to decompress first.
- If they lost or underperformed: "I'm proud of how you showed up today" is a complete sentence.
- Ask about effort, not just outcome: "Did you feel like you competed the way you wanted to?"
• • •
What to Avoid
- "Don't be nervous" — this makes them more aware of their nerves, not less.
- Comparing this performance to previous ones ("You were better last week…")
- Discussing recruiting, scouts, or external pressure right before or after competition
- Making your own disappointment visible — they'll internalize it
Signs Your Athlete Is Struggling Beyond Normal Pre-Game Nerves
- Trouble sleeping the night before competitions
- Physical symptoms (stomach issues, headaches) that coincide with competition days
- Talking about wanting to quit or avoid events
- Rehearsing past mistakes or future "what ifs" repeatedly
When to Get Support
If you see these signs, it's a good time to loop in their coach or a sports psychologist — not a sign of weakness, but a smart investment. Your athlete doesn't have to navigate this alone.